Michael Bay diarrhea
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
