so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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