Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
