Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
