when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
did i just pee glitter
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
