you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
