dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
