Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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