I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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