So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
