Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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