Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
