Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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