I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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