i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
