capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
