there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
