I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
