I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
