shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
