That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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