What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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