So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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