walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
