My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
