...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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