You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
