this beer tastes like vomit already
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
