One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
