I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
