and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
