Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
