Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
