So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
