he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
