just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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