the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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