Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
