The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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