6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
