I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Randomize
