It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
