Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
