So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think your dad took our porno
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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