Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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