Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
