Three words: puerto rican gang bang
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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