Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
