why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
