Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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