Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
