Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
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Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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