So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
