When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
