if only i could text you this smell
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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