her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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