i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
