My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
