Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
