Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
