It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize