His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
is that a dick in a sweater?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
