i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
