i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
