i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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