So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
